150+ Pirate Jokes: A Treasure Trove of Laughter

Pirate Jokes

Discover a treasure trove of laughter with our collection of 157 pirate jokes. These jokes, which range from clever quips to hilarious one-liners, are ideal for pirate enthusiasts of all ages. Dive in and let the laughter begin.

Are You Ready To Sail with 157 Pirate Jokes to Lighten Your Day

Prepare to laugh as we explore 157 pirate jokes. These jokes make you laugh like you found a chest of gold, whether you’re a seasoned sailor or a landlubber.

Our selection will delight you with wordplay and puns. So hoist the Jolly Roger, gather your intrepid crew, and let’s delve into pirate humor.

Best Pirate Jokes

These jokes will make you laugh out loud. Even the toughest old sea dog will laugh at these jokes about pirates. They are the best jokes to tell your friends around a campfire or to cheer you up on a stormy night at sea.

  1. Captains of pirate ships never lose their ships. They just can’t find it.
  1. Pirates play music the best. They can always tune a fish.
  1. A pirate will never play one thing in a band. A slide trombone.
  1. Pirate cooks are always carrying around a lot of thyme. It’s what they do to “season” the food.
  1. Pirates’ only thing to do at sea is surf the net... for more fish.
  1. Don’t ever ask a pirate to play tennis. They always have a secret weapon.
  1. High waves don’t scare pirates. They make waves on their own.
  1. Pirates aren’t good at being funny. The end of their jokes always has a “hook.”
  1. Karaoke is one thing a pirate never does on a ship. He is afraid that he will sing the wrong note and scare everyone.

Matey Mirth Teasers

With these matey mirth jokes, you’re in for a great trove of pirate jokes. They are the best way to cheer up after a long day of cleaning the deck or navigating through dangerous seas.

  1. What country does a pirate like the most? AARRGentina!
  1. What veggie does a pirate hate the most? Leeks!
  1. How do you describe a thief who has a good heart? A treasure box!
  1. Why was the price of the pirate ship so low? It was sailing!
  1. What does a pirate like to play with most? BARRRbie!
  1. The pirate went to college to find out why. To become an aaaaarrrchitect!
  1. Why did the pirate never get angry? Because the sea was where he felt most at ease.
  1. What part of a song does a pirate like best? The bait!
  1. How come pirates don’t use GPS? They never get lost at sea!

Classic Pirate Jokes

Our Classic Pirate Jokes are a throwback to the heyday of pirates, when buried wealth, exotic islands, and fantastic sea beasts were commonplace. The use of classic pirate slang in the jokes gives them a broad, generation-spanning appeal. 

  1. You might think an R is a pirate’s favorite letter, but it’s actually a C.
  1. A pirate walks into a bar carrying a ship’s wheel. “Why do you have a ship’s wheel on your belt?” asks the barman. “Arr, it’s driving me nuts!” says the pirate.
  1. Pirates don’t exercise. Just make them walk the plank.
  1. A pirate went to college to learn how to build things.
  1. When a pirate gets his ship, he can’t help but get “boat” about it.
  2. You wouldn’t believe how far a pirate would go to find a place to sleep.
  1. The Arrrrrrticle is a pirate’s favorite way to talk to each other.
  1. Pirates can sing well because they can reach the high Cs.
  1. When a pirate comes up with a good plan, they call it a “treasurrre.”
  1. Australia is a pirate’s favorite place in the world.
  1. Pirates always leave the windows open, which makes it hard for them to get out of a place.
  1. Why are pirates always so calm? They don’t sweat, so they just let out a “arrrr”

Pirate Puns

Those who enjoy clever wordplay will enjoy how “Pirate Puns” combines swashbuckling with humor. These puns are a delightful complement to any celebration, as they skillfully combine elements of pirate culture with wordplay.

  1. The pirate went to school so he could improve his “arrrrrticulation.”
  1. Pirates don’t take a shower before they walk the plank; they do it when they get back to land.
  1. A lost treasure is a pirate ship that has sunk to the bottom of the ocean.
  1. In school, arrrrrt is a pirate’s favorite topic.
  1. A time bandit is a thief who has a watch.
  1. Pirates don’t know how to open cans. They just open it up.
  1. What made the pirate decide to go to Russia? He heard that “Moscow” had a lot of good stuff.
  1. The pirate wasn’t very good at golf.
  1. Which animal is the pirate’s favorite? An arrrrrrrdvark.
  1. Pirates never really die; they just go away.
  1. I have a map” is what a pirate with bad grammar says.
  1. A pirate’s favorite social media site is “Arrrrrrrddit.”
  1. Pirates like to buy ships on the open sea because it’s much cheaper.

Pirate Parrot Jokes

A pirate’s parrot is more than just a companion on the long, lonely journeys across the seven seas; it’s an integral part of the crew. These jokes provide a whimsical look into the unique and entertaining friendship shared by a pirate and his trusted parrot.

  1. The pirate bought a parrot instead of a parrot pet because it cost less.
  1. Polly didn’t just want one cracker; she wanted the whole treasure box.
  1. Why was the bird dressed in an umbrella? He wanted to be an “unsaturated” “polly.”
  1. The bird of the pirate always talked about “Polly-tics.”
  1. Because he was a “polly”-math, the bird got the job.
  1. Polly had no need for a GPS. She knew what to do by “parrot.”
  1. The pirate didn’t want the bird as a pet. He wanted to be the captain.
  1. The pirate’s bird was the most entertaining part of the party.
  1. The pirate’s wingman, a parrot, asked for a rise in biscuits.
  1. How come birds don’t have cell phones? They already have a Twitter account.
  1. The pirate named his bird “Treasure” because it was always talking about where the “X” was.
  1. Pirates don’t teach their parrots to talk; instead, they teach them to “squawk the plank.”
  1. What do you call a bird that sits on the shoulder of a pirate? A squawk-enspiel.

Pirate Ship Jokes

pirate jokes

The pirate ship is the center of all the mayhem and freedom that pirates enjoy. The creaking planks and flapping sails of a pirate’s ship provide ample fodder for the humor found in these tales of hilarity.

  1. What kind of music does a pirate ship like best? “Ship-hop.”
  1. How come pirate ships never seem to get lost? They always come after the “C.”
  1. How do pirates on their ships like to talk to each other? With words like “ship.”
  1. The pirate ship was always so clean because it was “mopped” and “bucketed” every week.
  1. How do pirate ships know which ones they are? They always feel a bit “arrrrrrrrr-ship”.
  1. How come pirate ships don’t sink in the water? They sail a “buccaneer.”
  1. What’s the most difficult thing about steering a pirate ship? “Scurvy” seas.
  1. How do pirates speed up their ships? The cook is thrown off the boat.
  1. What’s a pirate ship without its crew? An “empty ship.”
  1. Why did the pirate’s boat cost so little? It was in “sail.”
  1. Why aren’t pirate ships sick of the sea? A “buccaneer” is always facing the wind.
  1. The pirate ship wasn’t stealing; it was just a “borrow-boat.”
  1. When a pirate has two ships, what do you call him? An “ambidextrouser.”
  1. The pirate ship was always rocking because it had its own “sea-d.”

Pirate Treasure Jokes

Every pirate dreams of hidden wealth, chests full of gold doubloons and jewels, and treasure maps that lead to these places. These jokes look at the odd and funny parts of a pirate’s never-ending quest for money.

  1. Why don’t pirates ever just bury their loot in the middle of a desert? Because they are unable to recall the location of the “X” that marks the “sand-spot.”
  1. When the pirate finally found his loot, what did he have to say? “I hit the gold.”
  1. How do you refer to a pirate who possesses both gold and silver? A “met-all-urgent.”
  1. Why do pirates have such a fascination with treasure maps? They provide the most accurate “arrrr-t” directions possible.
  1. A tear would form in the pirate’s eye whenever he peeled away another layer of his treasure box, which he compared to an onion.
  1. Why do pirates always remember the location of the wealth they’ve buried? Because it’s something that’s constantly “playing” in their head.
  1. Why did the pirate carry a pencil with him on his expedition to find the treasure? It is because he is in need of a sword to draw it with his pencil.
  1. The scoundrel was at a loss as to whether he desired the treasure or the adventure more. Therefore, he uttered the words, “I’ll take the doubloons and run.”
  1. What does a rapacious pirate have to say? “I want Arrrrrrrr the treasure.”
  1. How can you determine whether a pirate has been using your lawn as a hiding place for treasure? Look for “arr” marks.
  1. The reason the pirate hid his riches in the attic was so that he could make a bigger “barrrrr.”
  1. The riches that the pirate’s map was supposed to take him to was instead just a trail of “breadcrumbs.”
  1. The pirate had a very good reason for burying his treasure on the moon, Simply because he always dreamed of being a “starrrrr.”
  1. The “sea-nery” was the greatest treasure that the pirate possessed, not the cash or the diamonds.
  1. The pirate referred to his treasure chest as a “coin-operated” chest, and it required one doubloon in order to unlock it.

Pirate Captain Jokes

The pirate leader was a person who was both feared and looked up to. These jokes make fun of the captain’s strange habits, his jobs, and the strange situations he might find himself in.

  1. The pirate captain went to school to find out why. To make his “rrrrrrticulation” better.
  1. What kind of music does the pirate captain like best? “Cap-pop.”
  1. How do the trousers of a pirate captain stay up? With a belt called a “buccaneer belt.”
  1. The master of a pirate ship said that he wasn’t lost at sea. He was just “going around on a board.”
  1. What did the captain of the tired pirate group tell him? “I see you’re all “wrecked.”
  1. Why was the pirate captain’s hat made out of paper? It is because he wished to be good-looking as a “sheet”. 
  1. The “plank” is the pirate captain’s favorite way to work out.
  1. The pirate captain went to the party to find out why. “Raise the Jolly Roger”.
  1. How does the captain of the pirate ship know that he is a good leader? He always gets a “handy cap” from his team.
  1. What does a pirate captain like to talk about the most? “Leader-ship”.
  1. Why was the boss of the pirates always so calm? He never lost his “sea-nse” of peace.
  1. He didn’t want a ship, he wanted to be a master.

Pirate Life Jokes

The life of a pirate is fraught with peril and excitement, but it also features a healthy dose of sardonic humor. These jokes explore the day-to-day activities of pirates and discover the humor in the adventurous routines that they engage in.

  1. Why do pirates never retire? Because they enjoy being “sea-senior” citizens.
  1. Why do pirates dislike circular conversations? Because it gives them “sea” sickness.
  1. What is a pirate’s preferred form of exercise? Walk the “plank.”
  1. What prompted the pirate’s vacation? He required a little “arrr and arrr.”
  1. How do pirates like their sirloin prepared? “Charrrrr-grilled.”
  1. Why did the criminal attend school? To enhance his “arrrrrticulation”.
  1. What do wintertime sailors wear? The “Long John Silver’s.”
  1. Why do pirates not utilize a calendar? “arr” day is every day.
  1. What is the pirate’s preferred portion of a song? This is the “hook.”
  1. How does a pirate button his shirt? With an “eye” and a “hook.”
  1. What grades does a pirate receive in school? Extreme “seas.”
  1. Why are pirates such skilled fishermen? They consistently capture the “booty.”
  1. Why don’t pirates fail at poker? They have a “good hand” all the time.
  1. Instead of a cot, the pirate sleeps in a “hammock.”

Pirate Favourite Food Jokes

pirate jokes

Even pirates have to eat, and the kinds of food they choose to eat can lead to some very humorous situations. These tales provide a humorous perspective on the extraordinary gastronomic exploits of the pirates.

  1. Why do pirates enjoy eating fish so much? Because it is considered their “catch of the day food.”
  1. Why aren’t modern pirates susceptible to scurvy? They don’t shy away from their “C-food.”
  1. What is a pirate’s go-to choice when it comes to quick meals? “Arby’s.”
  1. What do you name a cookout that’s hosted by pirates? “Charrrrr-grill.”
  1. What kind of food does a pirate enjoy eating for a snack? “Biscuits for the ship.”
  1. What secret ingredients do pirates use in their cooking? “Seasoning.”
  1. Why did the pirate store his meal in the chest that was supposed to hold treasure? The phrase “eat like a king” was one of his goals.
  1. What kind of vegetable does a pirate despise the most? “Leeks.”
  1. What do you call a buccaneer who has a carrot stuck in each of his ears? You can say whatever you want; he won’t be able to hear you.
  1. How exactly does a pirate request to be fed? “Matey, may I have some more of that?”
  1. What is a pirate’s go-to sweet treat of choice? “Sea-salt caramel.”
  1. Oranges are not the pirate’s preferred type of fruit. It’s the “naval” version of oranges.
  1. Instead of eating junk food, the pirate prefers to indulge in “treasure” sweets.
  2. The buccaneer ended his relationship with his lover because she had too many “buccaneers” in her life.

Pirate Romance Jokes

Even rough pirates have a tender side. Let’s take a trip into the lighter side of pirate love and romance with these jokes that aren’t taken too seriously.

  1. The pirate made for an excellent boyfriend due to the fact that he was quite the “catch.”
  1. When the pirate saw his lover for the first time, he exclaimed, “You arrrr the treasure I’ve been searching for”.
  1. The phrase “I’m hooked on you” is a common expression of love among pirates.
  1. The pirate greeted his date with the words “Prepare to be boarded” on their first outing together.
  1. Pirates make wonderful lovers because they never miss the “mark.”
  1. The mermaid had the pirate captivated from the moment he set eyes on her.
  1. Because they “treasure” their partners so highly, pirates never stop their relationships with the women they’re dating.
  1. The buccaneer pair were overjoyed because they had reached “shipshape” in their relationship.
  1. When it’s time to bid goodbye to their ladies, pirates tell them, “Sea you later.”
  1. The ability to weather “stormy” relationships is one of the reasons why pirates make the finest partners.
  1. The girlfriend of a pirate was upset with him since he had abandoned her “at sea.”
  1. When it’s time for a pirate to bid goodnight to his beau, he tells her, “Sleep well, my beauty.”

Pirate Food and Drink Jokes

pirate jokes

Food and drink are essential to a pirate’s way of life. The pirates at the mess table are sure to like these jokes about food and drink.

  1. It’s ‘chips ahoy’ for the pirate’s go-to munchie.
  1. What does a seafaring scoundrel spread on his toast? Jelly Roger.
  1. Cantaloupes, sometimes known as “cannonballs,” are the preferred form of fruit for a pirate to consume.
  1. The dish known as “seaweed salad’ is a pirate’s all-time favorite.
  1. Why did the pirate decide to work in the kitchen? Because he is an expert at making ‘poop deckchairs (eclairs).
  1. A pirate’s favorite drink? ‘Buried Treasure Tea.’
  1. Why did the pirate choose to pursue a career in the culinary arts? He enjoyed a good serving of chips and dip.
  1. Potatoes, also known as scurvy, are a pirate’s least favorite food.
  1. What is everyone’s go-to dish when they attend a pirate party? ‘Gold doubloons-berries’ (blueberries).
  1. A pirate’s favorite soup? ‘Clam chowARR,’ you say.
  1. Sponge cake on deck was a pirate’s all-time favorite sweet treat.
  1. What was it about seafood that appealed to the pirate? It made him think of ‘the bountiful sea,’ he said.
  1. A pirate’s favorite cookie? “Biscuits fit for a pirate ship.”
  1. A dash of sea salt was added to the pirate’s rum before he drank it.

Pirate-Themed Birthday Jokes

Everyone loves a good laugh at a birthday party, especially when it’s pirate-themed.

  1. Why is it that pirates are always cut off before the end of their alphabet song? Because they are confused when they reach C.
  1. On his eightieth birthday, what did the pirate have to say? “Aye matey.”
  1. What kind of a party does a pirate throw for his birthday? in the form of a birthday party.
  1. What aspect of a birthday bash does a pirate look forward to the most? The search for the treasure.
  1. What do you call a pirate who has two legs but only two eyes? A bipedal buccaneer. A rookie.
  1. I’ve often wondered why pirates don’t take a bath before they walk the plank since they will eventually end up on the beach anyway.

Final Words

These 157 “pirate jokes” are a goldmine of levity, perfect for any event with a nautical theme. Each joke captures the spirit of life on the high seas with levity and humor, from the classic pirate wordplays to the amusing spins on a pirate’s favorite grub. These pirate jokes will bring amusement and good cheer to any occasion, whether you’re planning a pirate-themed party or just need a good chuckle. If you’re looking for a good laugh the next time you want to let out a big “Arr!”, simply remember that these jokes are a click away.

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